I Hate When You Are Right

Do you ever hear exactly what you need to hear exactly when you don't want to hear it?! That happened to me about 30 minutes ago.

First of all I had a pretty rough day today. My teaching supervisor came in today to watch me teach. She had a nice long talk with my co-op then a nice long talk with me. I like my supervisor, don't get me wrong, but she was calling me out on everything I already knew I was doing wrong. I know I am not getting my lesson plans in early enough. I know I haven't done a unit plan yet. I know that I'm not writing my performance objectives the way you want. I know all of this. But it is very different for me to know it and for someone else to look me in the eyes and tell me. I hate that feeling. I almost cried. I didn't thank goodness. As she was talking to me I felt this wave of frustration and exhaustion crash down on me. I almost cried. I felt my face turn red and my eyes start to sting. But I stopped it and controlled myself.

After all that I was running late to teach my next class. And it was parent switch day. So I had a bunch of parents in my classes so I felt even more pressure to not screw up! Erg! THEN I could get the volleyball nets down after class. I know it doesn't sound like a big deal, but when you spend the entire lesson fighting the overwhelming feeling to just curl up in a ball and cry, the nets not cooperating is a huge deal. Just so you know, I ended up having to use boltcutters to get everything put away... don't ask.

But on to the good stuff.

Today is the last day that I will be working afterschool at the middle school. This will give me an extra hour on Tuesdays and Thursdays to do whatever I need to do. I may go donate plasma on Tuesdays. We'll see. But I am done with that commitment. I am going to miss it though. I like socializing with the kids in a none scholastic environment.

After I worked at the middle school I went and babysat the boys. They are 3 and 5 (almost 4 and 6) and they crack me up. I was making them dinner tonight and the 5 year old comes up and says, "Hannah, I don't like you." I was a shocked! I have seen them almost every week for two years! These are my boys, they are my family! Then he says, "I don't like you. I love you!" It was the cutest goofiest thing I had heard all day and it was exactly what I needed to hear. It totally took my mind off of teaching and all I have to do there.

After babysitting I ran (not literally) over to campus for my women's bible study. Today's topic was time. Do we use it effectively? Do we fill our lives with distractions rather then priorities? It wasn't until the very end that I really understood what we were talking about. I mostly sat there saying I am very smart with my time. I multi-task. I make to do lists. I am always on time. I plan. But then at the very end it hit me. I am filling my life with a distraction that is affecting my student teaching, my household chores, and walk with God. I have been spending every free second I have reading my travel books, playing on GoogleMaps and looking up people on couchsurfing.com. My trip is in 8 months! I have plenty of time to plan. I am only student teaching for 11.5 more weeks! Which is the priorit? Student teaching is. But I am wasting my time. Maybe wasting isn't the right word... I'm not utilizing my time. Rather then praying I am searching to see what there is to do in Munich. I am so disappointed in myself for letting myself get caught up in the excitement and get distracted. Just two weeks ago I told someone how thirsty I felt for the Word. Where did that go? Why did I let it slip away?

I hate hearing exactly what I need to hear, especially when I need to hear it. But I love how I feel back on track now. That overwhelming sensation is gone. I feel that now I am able to allow myself to NOT research my trip every second of the day. I feel like it is ok that I put it on the back burner for a bit.

God is amazing. That is all I can say. For the last month or so since I started going to NCA and XA I have felt so on track. I feel like I'm heading in the right direction. And when I do feel like I took a wrong turn, I feel like I get re-directed back on track fairly quickly. What an awesome sensation.

So I am going to take the books back to the library tomorrow. The Europe planning can wait a bit and I don't need that temptation in the house. Once I get my lesson plans, unit plans, and all that under control again I can bust out the books. But for now, I have things to do!