Crazy

That's right. Crazy. I'm going crazy. Hi, I'm Crazy. It's nice to meet you.

What? Why am I crazy? Oh right! I didn't mention. I'm driving myself crazy because I am all over the place job-wise. I don't know what I want to do when I get back! I don't like not having anything lined up yet. I keep looking at craigslist for all sorts of random jobs (seriously... really random ones.) and thinking that I could just do it for a little while. Is it OK for me to not have a job when I get back? What will I do if I'm not working full time? I have to find a job. And in my mind the sooner the better. But it's driving me crazy.

I feel like I'm grasping at straws. Any time an idea pops into my head I jump at it. Last night a friend from the Hash suggested I get into personal training. This idea was pretty prevalent in college, particularly while I was at Pima. But I've just spent the last several hours researching certifications and exams and exam materials. I could study for a few months take the exam and get certified by early next year. Then I could sub and be a personal trainer and eventually teach and be a personal trainer, even if only a PT in the summers.

Then I think about grad school. Then I think about nannying for a few months. Then I think about not being able to find a nanny job that will finish in time so that I can coach at that middle school in the afternoons. Then I think I could work at another job, but then that takes me away from degree and future career plans (whatever they may be).

I know I'm just nervous/anxious about my next step. I'm super excited to go on my trip with Flynn in less than a week. I can't wait to see my parents and friends again in Sept. It's just not knowing FOR SURE what I'll be doing in September (income/career-wise) that has my mind racing all over the place.

I just need to relax. And I do... for a little while. But then I get all worked up again. What do I want to do?!?!

I love life because of its infinite possibilities, but sometimes I let those possibilities overwhelm me. I've got to stop doing that.

So yeah. I'm sort of Crazy right now. I think (I hope) that once my trip is underway I won't focus on this stuff so much. I'll just be able to enjoy my adventure and I can focus on the work stuff when I get back to Seattle. I say that... but it just seems so irresponsible. To not have a job when I have financial responsibilities just seems silly! Ack! See!? Here I go again! I think I need to go for a run. Or go shopping. Maybe both. But sitting here dwelling in vicious circles isn't going to help.